Do you still have your period?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I said "one day" and that day is not today
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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