They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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