He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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