Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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