I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
zippers are such a cool invention
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Randomize
