i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
As shirtless as possible
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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