I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
