I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Swine flu is the new snow day.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
