oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
