I met the friendliest cop last night
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
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