I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
