Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
