I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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