It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Randomize