Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
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