Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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