when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
