i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
