I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
