I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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