I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
