so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
