i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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