i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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