I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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