I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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