Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
