You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
