just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
