I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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