Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
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