I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
