people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
