P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
