i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
