im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
