Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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