While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
