I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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