i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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