and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
