we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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