i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
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