life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
