Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
