he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
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