this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
