Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
