The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
