based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
