Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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