4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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