That's when you crack a 10am beer
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
