Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Randomize
