i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
