Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Randomize
