You smell like stripper and shame
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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