You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
