I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize