Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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