My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
