Well douche your snatch and let's go!
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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