The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
