were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
