he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize