If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
