this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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