There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize