counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
