those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
